Meā Culpā

That was me, at half 7 this morning. Except I was looking considerably more disheveled, still not fully recovered from Sunday’s hangover. Why oh why does Monday always come around so damn quickly? I’d have pulled a sickie if I hadn’t already taken so much time off ‘sick’ lately – I’ve missed 3 weeks of work altogether over the break up and I was tempted to just quit completely. I’m still tempted now, sitting in my horrible little office, typing numbers into a computer, imagining what I could be doing at home instead… Yoga, brunch, a long walk in the sun, enjoying some tea and flicking through the pages of Vogue… Of course in real life I’d just be in bed because I’m a self-confessed lazy bitch. I’d still have tea though.

This (picture me scanning over my dusty desk with piles of paperwork) is not how I pictured my future during the years spent writing essays at the last minute and stress eating over exams for my A Levels and French degree. But, meā culpā. I’m too lazy to figure out what I actually want to do for a living and to tell the truth, after 6 months of unemployment upon graduating, I felt lucky to get an office job! Some friends even envy my handy little 9-5 (actually 8-4.30, and we finish at 2 on Fridays!). I get weekends off and I never have to do overtime; I like my colleagues and I get to skive most days (I’m typing this up in between doing paperwork right now and plan to do my shopping on Tesco online later). But who is really satisfied being an office monkey?

It didn’t bother me so much before the break up. Before I met him I had planned to move abroad after uni. I say ‘planned’… I hadn’t really planned anything at all – I just thought I’d figure it out. Story of my life. Alas, my heart had different ideas… I fell for him, hard and fast, madly and deeply; and he couldn’t come away with me, so I had no choice but to stay. The heart wants what it wants and all that. We had talked about moving to the mainland or possibly France in a few years, so I guess I used that as an excuse to stay in this job. It was just the easy option – it paid the rent and I looked forward to spending my evenings and Saturdays with himBut now, there’s nothing really keeping me here, and there are certainly more job opportunities elsewhere. “No reason to stay is the best reason to leave.”

However, even if I do decide to go somewhere new, I’ll still need to take some funds with me. Living back with my parents has given me a chance to save a little (I still pay them ‘keep’ every week, although they never asked I think they’ve supported me and my brothers for long enough!), but honestly I’ve been skint ever since I left uni! So, yes, I finally have a chance to save, but it’s also a chance to spend. And every girl deserves a bit of retail therapy after having their heart broken, right? (I’d probably be much better off spending the money on actual therapy!)

I suppose I’m a little overwhelmed with having so many options right now. Maybe I’ll take the easy route again… Forget about being independent, marry rich, and spend Monday mornings eating pancakes in my dressing gown, instead of racing into work (’cause I’m running late yet again), trying to ignore the unhealthy noises coming from my car and using the rear view mirror to do my mascara…

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