So I was at the hairdresser today. Just less than a year ago her partner of 10 years, whom she bought a house with and would be marrying in a few months, came home and told her he was leaving. No warning signs, no fighting, nothing to suggest he was going to change his mind after he proposed to her. So naturally we spend my appointments bitching about our breakups.
Now, whereas I have a small circle of friends who haven’t really gone through a serious breakup (I say serious as we were living together, planning to get married etc), my hairdresser has a lot of friends, who are usually a bit older than me. She was able to tell me two stories today of friends whose fiancés had called off the wedding last minute, just like hers had. Now, I know shit happens. I know that the seriousness and stress of a wedding can give somebody cold feet and I know that men sometimes feel pressured into marrying before they’re 100% sure… But, really guys? Can you not recognise your reservations before making these kinds of commitments?
He and I had just agreed on the tenancy of a new place – not the most serious of situations, but to help him out I paid all of the security deposit. Days before moving in he calls it all off, I’m out £600 and have to explain through hysterical crying to the estate agent that they have to find a new tenant (he couldn’t even have saved me that embarrassment and told them himself). He didn’t lose any money. I doubt if he even lost any sleep over it. He just moved in with his mum who doesn’t take any money off him and has given him her fucking car… He has it made. Meanwhile I couldn’t even go to work, therefore losing more money. My hairdresser’s fiancé did the same. Expected to walk away from the wedding and the house they bought together (for which she paid the full deposit) with only forking out for a minor fine to get out of their mortgage agreement. She’s had to get her solicitor involved.
I’m making this sound like it’s about the money but it’s not… It’s about the utter clueless-ness of these men. All of the stories had these three things in common:
- The men had made a commitment and waited until the last minute to be honest about their feelings
- They broke our hearts and forced us to restart our lives
- They don’t seem to have any grasp of the gravity of the situations
How can they be so clueless?!?!
Is it a man thing? I don’t want to tar all men with the same brush but is it possible that the majority really have that hard a time recognising and acting upon their feelings? Are they too ‘hardened’ to realise how they’ve broken us? Or is it simply a case of, until you have your own heart broken, you’ll never understand the power you hold over someone else’s?
The real kick in the stomach though is how they act afterwards – like they want to be friends. What planet are they on? Seriously? You want to coast along, paying no attention to how you feel or what you want, commit to somebody, decide last minute to take a look at your life, realise you actually don’t fancy the commitment thing after all, shit all over your partners heart then send them smiley faces in an email and ‘hope you’re ok’ texts. NO! That’s not how it works! Ugh. And yet no matter how angry I get it never lasts. I’d forgive him in a heartbeat if he asked.
Fuck it – I’m just gonna get a sex change and live in la la land with all these other men. I’m done with feelings. Somebody get me a dick STAT.
Images via Pinterest