Desperation

The 5th of October? Seriously? Time flies…

I was meaning to write a post all last week but I didn’t know where to start! Everytime I began writing about something I ended up going in a completely different direction and when I tried to get my thoughts straight I just got very, very sleepy. I spent a disgusting amount of time in bed last week (I have an excuse though – I’ve been sick! Promise!). Anyway, lovely wordpress world, I’ve finally ended up writing this in work. I hope it finds you all well and good, and not afflicted with this bastard chest infection that everybody over my neck of the woods seems to be passing around. I haven’t been able to workout in over a week and it’s driving me MAD! On top of that I’m going to be totally skint this week as I took last Monday and Tuesday off work. I had completely lost my voice so at least my boss couldn’t suspect me of skiving as I croaked and whispered down the phone that I wouldn’t be coming to work… I have a feeling lately that he really doesn’t like me. I really don’t care though – he’s a passive-aggressive little bitch.

So on Monday I really was too poorly for work. I’d had a busy weekend (a great one at that) but by Sunday night it had completely floored me and my voice had packed it’s bags and left. Although once I got over the ‘teenage-boy-whose-voice-is-breaking-into-Barry-White’ phase, I sounded more like the Queen that is Stevie Nicks and now I miss my sexy, 40-a-day habit voice! On Tuesday though, like, I was still sick, but I could have made it into work, if I’d wanted to. I got up at 6.30am and turned the shower on and everything – full of good intentions! But then I just walked around the house talking myself out of going. It was looking to be another rare and beautiful sunny day and the thought of going to work when I could go for a walk and a hot chocolate instead was just soul destroying. I knew I’d end up skint this week and I felt guilty as fuck for a few hours, but once I was outside enjoying this glorious Indian summer we’ve been having, I thought, fuck the money, this is worth it. Case in point – I really can’t stand my job lately.

There isn’t even a full time job here for me at the minute. I spend everyday doing puzzles on my computer, reading blogs, looking at food on Pinterest… Seriously. I need to leave before they check my internet history. People I liked working with before are starting to grate on me… and I’m starting to show it. I have to wear lilac (boke) and listen to radio 2 every single day. Oh by the way I totally know what a spoilt, superficial bitch I sound like right now, complaining about my cushy 9-5 where I don’t do any work… but it’s just sucking the soul right out of me. I sit in this dusty little box of an office all day, all week, with people I have nothing in common with, dealing with customers who truly are simpletons – and I’m not exaggerating there. Here is an email from a legitimate business:

Have use send stuff down to B/E in a taxi today are last night.

That is the entirety of the email. No greeting, no sign off, no subject line (for context, B/E is another business we deal with). I mean, what the fuck? Even ‘yous’, which is not a word, would have been better than ‘use’. And ‘are’ instead of ‘or’? The fuck?

Sigh.

Luckily I still have some holidays to take. I’ll book a few days off to make the most of the wonderful month of October! I’m taking the day before my birthday off to stay in Belfast’s finest – The Merchant Hotel; Then I’m jetting off to Budapest at the end of November. Thinking of my weekends and days off are all that’s getting me through at the minute. Day dreams and memories of walks in the park, feeding squirrels and crunching orange leaves, looking for conkers. Shopping for hats and scarves and new boots then going to the prettiest cafés for hot chocolate. Nights in watching American Horror Story and Walking Dead, cuddling someone I love and splitting a bottle of red… October, you rule. Now don’t get me wrong. – the sunshine the past couple of weeks has been a blessing, but I can’t say that I was unhappy to see today turn dark and blustery. Autumn is my spring – it’s full of change and new beginnings and excitement! In autumn I feel like I’ve got everything ahead of me! Better than that, it’s finally ok to start dressing like a (super stylish) witch again. All black everything baby. It’s given me the inspiration I needed (probably just sugar rushes from all the hot chocolate) to start working on my social media again and apply for the kinds of jobs I might actually enjoy doing. I feel determined now to get out of this hell hole of an office in the new year. Well, I’m not sure it’s determination, more like desperation. On that note, does anybody wanna pay me to update social media, pin on Pinterest and complain about stuff in blog posts all day? I’m like, really good at it.

Images via Pinterest

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