Should I stay (in) or should I go (out)?

Everybody’s advice to get over heartbreak is to get back out there, socialise, go out with friends, enjoy life! And tonight I am actually in the mood to get dressed up to the nines and enjoy a cocktail, but I honestly don’t think going out will do anything to assuage this loneliness…

First off, I can get all dolled up, but really the only opinion I care about is his… As pathetic as it sounds, without his approval, looking good just feels kinda pointless.

Second, other people often tend to make me feel even more lonely. Even my closest friends sometimes. He was my best friend, my soul mate. I’ve never been more myself than when I was with him. There’s always parts of me hidden away from every other single person I know. That never mattered much before, but now, without him, it just amplifies how lost I feel. It’s like being surrounded by white noise.

Third, although I’ll be distracted for a few hours and probably enjoy myself for the most part, I’ll still have to come home alone and crawl into an empty bed. And I’m sad enough without adding alcohol to the mix…

So although he is able to go out with his friends weekly, is drinking nightly and is probably meeting other girls, I am spending my weekends home alone, comfort eating. Pretty pathetic huh?

What’s your opinion? Am I better off drunk and sadder or sober and fatter? She types while eyeing up the cheese…

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I’m a fucking walking paradox – no, I’m not

Anybody else out there feel like this? Sometimes I think I’ve just gone insane & am really good at hiding it.

To 99% of people I’m a deadpan, take no shit, who gives a fuck, realist. But to a very very small number of people I’m a die-hard romantic, lover, deeply emotional, passionate dreamer.

To some, I’m a quiet girl, a good girl, who stays out of trouble and keeps to herself. To others, I’m the bad influence, a sassy bitch who you do not want to cross.

Most days I’m incredibly low maintenance, messy hair, no makeup, hoodie & converse. Other days I’m dressed all in black, killer heels, designer jewellery, poker straight hair.

I either don’t give a fuck or I care immensely. I’m either on top of the world or crushed underneath it. Somedays I wanna run, go somewhere new, without a plan. Somedays I find bliss in routine and familiarity.

There are few invariables when it comes to my feelings and the one constant that I’ve been most sure of has fucked off and left me. Now I don’t know myself, or trust myself. Anybody else out there going crazy lately??

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