Tips for getting through a girls-night hangover

  1. Wake up hideously early, feeling not so bad, and try to prepare yourself for the dark times ahead…
  2. Feed the cat that you harassed with drunken cuddles (squeezes) the night before and shakily pour yourself a glass of water.
  3. Curl up on sofa and go through your phone for any regrettable texts/calls/incriminating photos and delete drunk, sad and pathetic blog post from 3am.
  4. Begin to feel the hangover really setting in and search Pinterest for a ‘hangover smoothie’ recipe.
  5. Pretend to parents that you’re not that bad and try not to throw up said smoothie.
  6. Hover around the bathroom for a while just in case you do…
  7. Admit defeat and climb into bed for a few hours.
  8. Wake up from alcohol-induced nightmares, realise you’re overheating, get out of bed and lie on kitchen floor.
  9. Thank cat who has lay down next to you for moral support.
  10. More water, more bed.
  11. Finally find the strength to walk, rather than crawl, at around 4.30 in the afternoon and text abuse to the friend who claims she isn’t hungover.
  12. Try to be cool about the sweaty-faced photos of you in the club because everyone else looks pretty in them and you’re a good friend.
  13. Cry because your dad has asked you to grate some cheese for the lasagna.
  14. Prepare excuse to tell your granny who is coming for dinner why you’re in your PJs at 6pm with panda eyes.
  15. Do not get close enough for granny to notice that you smell of smoke, fake tan and tequila.
  16. Nibble some bread and focus 100% on not throwing up at the dinner table.
  17. Retreat to the bed again and binge watch Parks and Recreation on your laptop until you finally feel like you can eat.
  18. Eat cold lasagna from the dish – you do not need the hassle of a plate.
  19. Do not cry into your empty purse – instead do some online browsing for all the things you can spend your money on now that you’re ‘never drinking again’.
  20. Demand that your brother make you a hot chocolate then feel too sick to drink it.
  21. Watch more Parks and Recreation. Eat more cold lasagna.
  22. Convince dad to iron your work clothes because you’re dying and accept that he’s ironed a pleat into the legs of your trousers and that you will be going to work looking like a man.
  23. Sob for no reason other than your body is telling you to.
  24. Deduce that the hideous hangover is Karma punishing you for not telling the waitress in the restaurant that she’s given you the wrong (much cheaper) bill and just paying it and legging it before she noticed.
  25. Have another restless night, drag yourself into work Monday morning, don’t let anyone notice you falling asleep at your desk and eat as much bread as possible until you feel like a human being again.

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